|I remember standing in the cold on the sidelines of a soccer field (wearing the shorts that rode up in the middle when I walked), watching my lithe nine and ten-year-old teammates kick and cavort up and down the field – feeling a world apart from them.|
I was so uncomfortable in my shorts I wanted to crawl out of my skin with shame.
I was so self conscious that I felt stupid with every word that came out of my mouth.
I was so awk
ward I didn’t know how to act in order to win over the most popular girls.
I felt like an alien.
What’s WRONG with me?
Something about me just didn’t fit with others.
This wasn’t super obvious from the outside. From the outside I was friendly and positive. But inside was another story. Inside I felt different. Separate. Like I just didn’t belong.
This wasn’t just how I felt as a kid. Not belonging chased me for decades.
It took me years to discover what had me feeling that way, and a few more to discover what it takes to truly feel a sense of belonging.
This is what I want to share with you. Because it’s not just about being more social, like we’re told.
And because over the last decade of helping men and women get free from food and other addictions, the one thing I’ve seen time and time again, is that the feeling of being different and of not belonging is perhaps, ironically, the most common quality we all share.
That’s right. Pretty much everyone thinks they are the odd one out.
Which is why I want to share with you the 3 things I needed to do in order to truly cultivate a deep sense of belonging.
I needed to:
Cultivate an authentic connection inside of my body – This wasn’t just about exercise or eating right. Feeling a true sense of belonging required me to learn how to feel at home in my skin. And as someone perpetually up in her head, this was no small feat. But once I learned what it takes, I discovered that coming home inside my body was the missing piece to so much of my alienation and sense of separation. It was truly the most intimate and memorable homecoming of my entire life.
Cultivate an authentic connection inside of a sisterhood – I’m not just talking about having more friends on Facebook. I’m talking about having a solid tribe of sisters who you can be real with. The kind of women who hold you and love you through the thick of things. Who get you, who you can build deep, meaningful friendships with and who can remind you that you are not alone when you forget.
Cultivate an authentic connection inside of Source – I’m not just referring to believing in Spirit or in having spiritual philosophies and speaking in spiritual slogans. I’m talking about real, true, gritty spiritual reliance. Where regardless of what’s going on in and around you, there is a deep unwavering sense inside that you are infinitely supported and going to be ok no matter what. (Up until this point, I used to have this feeling of not being ok and not knowing why. People irritated and annoyed me. I’d get impatient and constantly felt misunderstood.) Learning the art of Source-reliance led me to discovered a newfound sense of belonging within myself and within life itself.
Looking back, I would have loved to whisper words of encouragement to that awkward nine year old at the soccer field that day. I wonder how life would have turned out. But because we can’t rewind time, I’d like to say to you now what I would have told her:
You are amazing. Every unique aspect of you is priceless. You have more depth, wisdom and courage than you could ever imagine. What lies inside you is infinite. You are inherently worthy. Every piece of you matters. I’m so glad you’re here. You belong.
Here’s to more people on the planet not longer thinking that they don’t belong on it.
Here’s to embracing ALL of your parts (even the parts that don’t like parts of you).
Here’s to standing in your glorious brilliance.
And here’s to forever knowing deep down that you belong.
|I want you to meet Janet. She’s been doing work on herself for over 30 years, but last week when we spoke, she was still stuck in her addictions. |
“I don’t think this will ever change, Deb. I think I’m just too messed up – damaged good.”
I’ve known Janet for many years, so knew I could be frank:
“Well, you’re right. Nothing IS going to change. But it’s not because you’re damaged goods. It’s because you’re stuck in your story.”
Over the years, I’ve realized that more than any other addiction, the toughest one for us to get free from is our addiction to our own story – the story of who we think we are, the story of how we think it is, the story of what we think we need…
This is because it’s so interwoven into every aspect of our identity. We don’t even see it as an addiction. For us, it’s just “how it is.”
The problem with seeing things in terms of “this is just how it is” is that our prejudices, biases and opinions block our ability to have a new experience.
So even if you want a new level of freedom, the story you have about how things are or about what is (or isn’t) possible will block you from it.
Which is why yesterday, I hopped into the Congruence Collective Facebook Group to share some insider insights that can free you from the addiction to your story, and blast you through to a new level of freedom.
Click here to watch.
(If you’re not a Congruence Collective Insider already, click here to join us for free)
When I shared with Janet the very same insights I share with you in this video, it changed her life.
And, I can understand why. These insights continue to change mine daily. Which is why I want you having this awareness.
Click here to watch the video and get the secret to getting unstuck and having a new level of freedom. And then hit reply to this email, and let me know if you relate.
The first time I got the awareness about what was keeping me stuck and saw the stories that had been owning me and running my life for over 30 years, lots came up for me that I needed to process. That might happen for you too. Which is why I’m opening up my calendar to you if you’d like to get some clarity and support around what came up and where to go from here. Click here to schedule a call with me. ❤️
Each of us has a choice: To continue living our lives based on our current story, current prejudices and current ideas…
Or to be willing to have a new experience.
This is the secret of getting out of your own way and accessing a new level of freedom from food (or any other addiction holding you back).
Let me explain.
See, so many of us feel stuck in our sabotage cycle with food because we are doing one or more of the following:
- Trying to apply the same old strategy, ideas and tools that got you to where you currently find yourself
- Convinced you should be able to figure things out on your own (which results in applying the same old strategy, ideas and tools that got you to where you currently find yourself)
- Loitering the edge of your “familiarity zone” (a.k.a. Your “known world” – the world that contains everything you think you know), wanting to breakthrough and have a new experience, but at the same time, unwilling to take a step into the unknown.
Do you relate to one or more of these things?
If you do, don’t judge yourself. Almost everyone relates to this stuff. We kind of can’t help it because we’re sooo attached to our way of seeing and doing things.
In fact, we’re addicted to our way of seeing and doing things!
Which is why last Friday’s Facebook Live was all about How To Get Out Of Your Own Way And Stop Sabotaging (with food or any other addiction holding you back).
(This video is packed with juiciness, so I invite you to watch all 28 min! Go for a 30 min walk, listen during your commute, watch while washing the dishes…just take a little “me” time and dive in.)
Because here’s the truth, If you know deep down that you’re here for something bigger – to shine your light, to share your gifts, to help others…
Then the longer you “loiter” at the edge of your familiarity zone, afraid to take that first courageous step into the unknown, the more frustrated, resentful and uncomfortable you’ll get…
And the more likely you’ll be to sabotage with food.
Which is why I invite you to make a choice right now. Decide to see this moment as your opportunity to have an entirely new experience.
Do you sometimes think you’ve gotten your food under control…but secretly anticipate the day you revert to your old ways?
This is such a common place to be. Especially when you have lots of nutrition knowledge and have already tried so many things before that haven’t worked.
It can feel like you’re never going to get this or that freedom is just not possible for you.
Neither are true.
The truth is that most folks are trying to fix a problem (with food) that they don’t fully understand and are doing it with an insufficient and oftentimes totally flawed approach.
That’s why last week on Facebook I shared a FB Live video on what it really takes to be free from food – or any other addiction for that matter.
Because as much as we want to make it about the food (sticking to your plan, being “good,” controlling what you can or can’t have, etc.)…
Being free has nothing to do with all that.
At min 06:54 in the video we discuss the specific mindset that distinguishes someone who is bound for freedom vs someone who will stay stuck and lost
At min 16:40 you learn the common default pattern of addiction that will prevent you from being free – and what to do instead so that you can get free from the pattern and from food
At min 22:05 you find out the secret to move beyond where you are right now, so that you’re not living in the same cycles and sabotage patterns
At min 27:44 you learn the one thing that will fast track your path of real freedom more than anything, get you unstuck when you get in your “stuff” and have you not feel alone on your journey ever again
If you’re sick and tired of feeling frustrated, guilty and ashamed when it comes to food, it’s probably a sign that you’re ready for an entirely new relationship with food where you…
…don’t obsess about food all the time
…only eat when you’re hungry
…stop eating and lose interest in food once you get full
…have the energy to do be more active and social
…are able to connect meaningfully and authentically with others
And where you truly feel comfortable in your skin.
This isn’t Pollyanna or Pipe Dream stuff. This is actually possible for you. That’s why I want you to know 5 things that will get you on your path to being there.
Watch last week’s Facebook Live video to learn what those 5 things are. Or you can click here to catch the whole thing on Youtube.
Too many smart folks are constantly beating themselves up and feeling frustrated because they are trying to figure things out on their own and embarrassed by so many failed attempts.
If that’s you, then it’s time to find out what to do instead to get on your path of real lasting freedom today.