It actually doesn’t matter which version – either will get us closer to embodying freedom. Just whatever we do, we can’t go on collectively and individually holding ourselves and our bodies hostage – deferring our joy and waiting for the magical number on the scale to change before we really start living.
Because as painful as the shame and body-loathing is, dying spiritually from an unlived life is more painful.
And the more sensitized we become to that unlived life – the life that exists on the other side of wherever we judge ourselves to be now…
…the more we feel the lack of connection in our relationships, the absence of purpose, the inability to be present, the loneliness, the fatigue, and the frustration.
And yet fear has us in such a chokehold that we dare not step into the unknown. What if we get fat? What if we get rejected? What if we lose what little self esteem we have?
So we figure our only solution is to numb out or distract ourselves from the pain and the fear, and continue to fight our bodies and ourselves – resisting the very life that we so long for.
Or we need to be willing to do something different.
And that’s going to require courage, humility and honesty – which can be a tall order for addicts.
But enough pain can become a powerful persuader.
How do you know you’re in enough pain?
“When the pain of your current circumstance outweighs the fear of the unknown.”
When you’ve reached that magical threshold, you’re ready to do something different.
That’s what it took for me.
For most of my life, my body was my battleground. It got the brunt of all of my self-judgment and self-loathing.
I felt like unless I got my body to be acceptable (i.e. perfect in my eyes) I was not worthy of having a social life, romantic life, or any life at all. So I held back and missed out – on friends, lovers, opportunities, adventures and connections.
I was terrified of getting fat. So even though I said I wanted to be healthy, I secretly liked being obsessive and slightly agro because I felt like it gave me a competitive edge.
But by age 30, I reached that place where the pain and discomfort of constantly feeling empty, irritable and inadequate got so powerful that I was finally willing to forfeit my plan and try something different.
And when I took the leap into the unknown and started to find my bearings, all sorts of remarkable things happened.
The fear and self-doubt faded and I accessed a new level of self confidence and inner trust. My dependence on other’s approval and needing to be perfect diminished and I found myself comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life.
I started living more, exploring more and connecting more. I became more social and was able to be more present when I was with others.
My life blossomed in so many ways that I didn’t even know were possible.
I had spent decades trying to be perfect.
The irony is that when my perfectionism and rigidity fell away, I actually lost more weight, doubled my income, discovered my purpose, deepened in my relationships and cultivated a life that is exponentially more fulfilling, joyful and free every day.
So if you’re at that magical threshold, where the pain of self-loathing, body obsession and never feeling comfortable in your own skin is outweighing the fear of stepping into the unknown, then welcome. You’ve arrived.
The next step for you is to get into action.
You can follow these steps below to help you get in action right away. (These are the tools that I used consistently whenever body obsession and body loathing struck, and they revolutionized my ability to be present and experience freedom):
Pray. Set aside what you think and ask for a new experience of you, your body and the world around you
Drop into your body. Live FROM it instead of obsessing about it
Do the deeper work. Get to the root of what’s blocking and get free from it so it stops haunting you
Repeat as needed.
(If trying these tools brings up some resistance or questions, then reach out to me and I can help you).
I’m pretty passionate about helping women heal their relationships with their bodies and themselves because I see what is possible when we women embrace ALL of us. We blossom. We light up. And we start helping others.
And that’s a world I want to live in.
So reach out to me and let me know if you want some support on healing your relationship with your body and yourself and let’s together heal this collective body wound for once and forall, so we can become the role models that our daughters will grow up to be like.
In dedication of all things raw, real and recovered.