I remember sitting with an old boyfriend at our favorite restaurant. He ordered his favorite meal and I’d ordered mine. 3/4th way into his meal, he threw his napkin down on his plate and pushed himself back from the table.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“But you still have half your steak left,” I cautioned, as if he couldn’t see the plump, juicy morsel still sitting there.
“Yeah but I’m full,” he said, nonchalantly, indicating for the busboy.
My mind raced…What does THAT have to do with it!?!?!?
I stared at my 11-portion sized chicken salad, and you better believe, I was going to finish every last bite. Afterall, I deserved it. I mean, it wasn’t like I was going for seconds or dessert..
But secretly, I did wish he would have offered me the steak before giving it to the busboy…
When it came to food, I didn’t have a bottom.
Like an alcoholic, who drinks like a fish, I could feel full, but not be “done” eating. My boyfriend would have to sit there with me in awkward silence as I hurriedly tried to scarf all of my meal. Or, I’d just forgo the awkward date and stay at home and binge alone.
Whether it was an 11-portion sized salad, a pot of green Thai curry and rice or a “trough” of healthy food from the Whole Foods buffet bar, I would eat in shame, but at the same time, couldn’t imagine stopping.
I’d love to say that that this was an isolated scenario. But the truth is that when it came to relationships, food was my #1 love.
I was so obsessed with food and my body that it took precedence over everything else. My work, my relationships, my social life, my thoughts – everything.
And because of the way I ate, I had constant bloating and stomach issues, and this just added to my not wanting to be intimate or even social for that matter.
It was easier to just stay at home and isolate.
I was so ashamed. And frustrated that I couldn’t do better.
I mean, I knew what to do. Why was it so hard for me?!!
I watched my “normal eater” friends enjoying themselves at dinner parties, ignoring the 24-piece sushi platter that had just been served to our table, while I was already selfishly eyeing my roll.
Why was I so different when it came to food? Why couldn’t I eat like other people?
What was wrong with me?
And why, in spite of all of my nutrition knowledge, and all of the inner work I’d done, was this STILL a problem?
Was I going to have to deal with this forever?
I was out of answers. I was at a dead end.
I didn’t want to go on another hamster wheel workout routine and restrictive diet plan.
I wanted freedom from all that. I wanted the obsession and food thoughts to go away. I wanted food to be fuel.
I wanted to eat to live, not live to eat.
Alcoholics can put down the bottle. Drug addicts can lay down the pipe. But food addicts need to cultivate a relationship with our drug of “no choice,” and so it’s vital that we learn how to do that so we can truly recover.
And it starts with getting honest.
Not, the “yes-I-took-the-cookie-from-the-cookie-jar” kind of honest–although that is part of it–but honest about what’s really going that drives us to the cookie jar in the first place!
That’s what I needed to do. I knew I was blocked but I didn’t know by what or what to do about it. I needed help to pull back the layers and really understand why I was different with food–why the same eating philosophy that worked for my friend didn’t work for me.
I needed to learn what my real problem was and my real solution.
And once I started treating my real problem–the stuff that was blocking me–my obsession with food fell away.
I didn’t even desire to binge. Even when I was having a really stressful day or was extra exhausted.
It was so strange. I felt free around the food. It didn’t call to me.
It wasn’t like what I had gotten was some Herculean-strength willpower to resist the food. It was more like the problem and the desire to use food in an unhealthy way just went away.
I still enjoyed food. But it was more about nourishment than eating for boredom, comfort, emotions or just cuz it was there.
I felt a new sense of ease and comfort, the constant anxiety and irritability subsided and I could, for the first time in decades, truly be present with my friends and family–instead of obsessed with the food and my body.
I felt happier, more connected and comfortable in my own skin.
That feeling of being a fraud and living a lie dissipated and in it’s place sprang a new-found confidence and inner trust that allowed me to launch a business helping others while making good money.
From a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, I got a life. A really good one.
And for nearly a decade it’s just been getting better and better. Not only because my relationships, my self love and my ability to help others continue to deepen and thrive.
But because I have also witnessed hundreds of other women follow what I did and also get free.
And I would love for you to be next.
I’m not here to tell you that your solution to your food addiction lies in a 21 Day juice cleanse or a 6 week total transformation bootcamp.
I’m also aware that, like me, you’ve probably tried everything and don’t want another fad, diet, trick or pill.
Which is why I’m not going to waste your time with nutrition 101 info that you already know.
What I am here to do is help you get real, face what’s blocking you and move through it so that you can actually get free. Not just for tomorrow. But forever.
And even as you’re reading this, if you’re anything like me, one part of you might be feeling hope and excitement that things really can be different.
And there might another a part of you that thinks you don’t have that bad of a problem with food–even though it’s wreaked havoc on every area of your life.
Which is why I created the Are You A Food Addict Quiz for people like us who still have doubt. It will help you get the clarity you need to make the decision to move forward.
You can take the quiz right here
Because here’s what I know. You don’t have to just deal with this food problem for the rest of your life. You really can get free.
I don’t say that to blow smoke up your butt. I say that because I’ve seen it. Over and over again. Even by women who didn’t think it would actually happen for them.
And so if that’s what you want. To truly get free. Then I’ve got one thing to say to you. Let’s do this.
With you every step,