I have to confess something…
I was writing my weekly newsletter to you this week and something just felt off.
Then it hit me. It was inauthentic. I was writing the article that I thought you wanted – the one I thought you needed to hear.
It was me living outside of myself – looped into needing to impact, impress and inspire you – and totally disconnected from my inner guidance.
In the past I never would have even recognized this because living outside of myself, was just how I did life. I didn’t know any other way of being.
I pretty much had two modes:
1) totally and self-consciously fixed and obsessed about food, my body and myself
2) totally and self-consciously fixated and obsessed about what you thought of me
I’d be so used to pretending and being who I thought I needed to be for you that I didn’t even know who I was. And then stress and anxiety that would cause would take me back to the food every time.
But here’s the thing today. Since getting free from the food and getting reconnected to my inner guidance system, I simply can’t do the inauthentic, living-outside-of-me, disingenuous thing anymore.
It literally doesn’t work. My pen breaks, or the power in my computer dies or I get a cramp…something just stops me dead in my tracks.
I’m so grateful for that today because to live in inauthenticity – being who you think others need you to be – hiding your real self, stuffing your feelings, swallowing your words – is actually painful.
And from what I’ve seen in the countless women I’ve spoken with and worked with over the last decade is that this inauthenticity sets up a condition of internal incongruence which keeps us stuck in addiction.
So in my commitment to your freedom from addiction, I want to give you 3 keys that I use to live more authentically so you can access more authenticity and freedom today 🙂
Be willing to look bad – I am told time and time again that when I pull back the curtain and talk about how I’ve messed up or fallen short, instead of creating more judgment from others, it creates more intimacy, connection and depth between us. It also becomes a permission slip for others to be more open and vulnerable with me – and then we all win. So remember, we don’t want your polished presentation – we want YOU. Your rawness, your gritty….your humanity.
Stop taking other’s actions personally – I used to be so concerned with what others thought that I constantly betrayed my own gut, stuffed my feelings and withheld my words. This not only kept me from being authentic but it also kept me in the food. It took me a long time to actually get that whatever others do or say is not about me and doesn’t define my worth, value or importance. So my invitation for you is to watch the meaning you make out of what others do, say or don’t do/don’t say.
Good is good enough – I wasted decades of my life waiting to have it right or perfect before I put myself out there – in business, making new friends, going to social events, doing activities like going to the beach. I stayed stuck in a very small, rigid world of needing to have everything figured out and controlled. I thought needing to be perfect meant I had high standards and that was a good thing. But really, being a perfectionist was actually killing me and keeping my stuck and alone. So remember, being authentic is all about not being perfect. (phew). If you struggle with perfectionism, try this as your daily mantra: You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Be willing to share your “first draft” self with the world.
Speaking of “first drafts,” that’s what this is, so in the theme of the post, I’m going to stop right there, declare this “good enough,” and hope that it touches the people it’s meant to 😉
In dedication of all things raw, real and recovered,
p.s. if you do resonate with this topic of being inauthentic or being a perfectionist, reply to this message and share with me what your biggest challenge is with it. I’d love to hear from you. xoD