I was a total jerk today.
I didn’t mean to be. I was sitting in circle with 3 of my best friends. And to maximize the last few minutes of our lunchtime meeting, before we all had to dash off, we were doing mastermind-style laser shares to a 3 min timer.
So my friend Laura started. But when the timer rang, she kept on going. After about 1 min, I could feel tension growing in my body.
And as she continued on, my mind spliced and started running two tracks: One track was listening intently to her tender and vulnerable share. And the other track was thinking…
…”we’re going to run out of time. She’s hogging the time up. We won’t all get to share.” (and by “all” I really mean, “I won’t get what I need!”)
So in a moment of self-imposed panic, I did what any responsible, conscious, guardian of integrity would do…
I blurted out, “I’m cutting you off.”
Everyone stared at me. Shocked.
“I’m sorry,” I said, hoping that maybe everyone else would be on board with my assertiveness.
“Awkward…” another sister chimed.
It was one of those moments where I had two choices. I could feebly attempt to explain and justify myself or I could acknowledge that I had just done something really rude.
“Wow, that was inappropriate,” I stammered.
We all had a laugh and tried to ease the tension by making light of it. But I could feel something uncomfortable still lingering in our space. I had ruined the vibe. And I felt bad.
This is where, in the past, I would have either made up a story in my head about how Laura was mad at me and then I’d proceed to be ultra nice to her and kiss her ass for weeks. Or I’d conveniently create distance bc I felt so awkward about what had happened.
And then I’d wonder why I was going back for seconds at dinner and raiding the cupboard at night.
See, withholding and avoiding uncomfortable conversations is a surefire way to stay in the food and never find freedom. Because it keeps us incongruent and fragmented. And this used to be my MO.
But because today I have the courage, confidence and humility to acknowledge my mistakes without shame, and make amends for them, I was able to address things with her right there on the spot and clear it.
And instead of my comment creating distance and driving me to the food, the interaction ended up bringing us to an even deeper place of friendship, understanding and connection.
This stuff sounds easy. Owning your shit. Speaking your truth. But when we’re in one of those icky moments where we’ve either said something awkward or we feel something that we’re not communicating, it creates tension in our bodies.
And this tension builds up inside us, creating a sense of restlessness and discomfort, which drives us to seek ease and comfort in food, busyness, alcohol, shopping, and whatever else we do to numb out and not deal.
That’s why a big part of getting free from food addiction is learning the art of how to have uncomfortable conversations and cultivating the confidence and courage to have them.
Which is why I want to share this audio teaching called The Power of Having Uncomfortable Conversations. So that you can be reminded of what to focus on as you navigate your path to freedom from food addiction. Click the link to download and save as an audio file, or click here now to listen:
In dedication of all things raw, real and recovered,
P.s. If you’d like more support with having the confidence and courage to have uncomfortable conversations, plus tools to help you speak your truth, have healthy boundaries, take more time for you and self care without feeling guilty, then email me asap at [email protected] and let’s chat. Cuz I’m taking a small group of ladies through a 5 week beta course starting next week called ‘Time For Me’ and I have a couple of spots left.
This program is specially designed for women who give too much to others, people please, don’t make time for themselves and feel guilty about self caring…and because it’s a beta course with ladies who I’m already connected with, I’m doing it for a super duper inexpensive deal 😉
So if it sounds up your alley, then hit me up right away. xoxoD