I was recently asked in a podcast interview what my turning point moment was that switched my trajectory from addiction to freedom.
I’ve spoken many times about the transition in a general way and what my life is like now – but I’ve rarely about the actual moment of truth that shifted everything.
I choose to share about that right now because my experience taught me the 4 critical aspects to making the shift and if it can serve you in accessing more freedom then it has served its purpose.
If you want to skip to the 4 critical aspects to making the shift then just scroll to the bottom] 🙂
My dark night…
It happened alone in a car in the dead of winter. I had left my health club and was sitting in a random parking lot – not knowing where to go or what to do with myself. All I could feel was the overwhelming sense of sadness and hopelessness.
Life felt like it was caving in on me and I didn’t know why. I just felt so empty and alone.
I didn’t know exactly what was wrong, and yet everything felt wrong.
Up until that point I had always tried to keep it together – not let others see me fall apart and be all messy. I hated it when people got so messy. It was pathetic.
But on that random day, in that random parking lot, without knowing what else to do with myself, I let myself go.
I dropped into a pit of despair and grief that I didn’t even know existed. I cried and cried. I didn’t even knowing why I was crying. But none of that mattered anymore. I just let the tears pour.
My grief opened up trap doors of more grief.
My loneliness reached new places of lonely.
My despair accessed new depths of despair.
And I just let it keep coming. Partly because I didn’t know what else to do and partly because I just felt that lost.
I don’t know how long I stay in that car, but at one point, all of a sudden, I was struck with this thought:
It can’t get any worse so it can only get better from here.
The thought was like a shooting star in the blackest night. I don’t know where it came from or where it went. All I knew was that it provided a glimmer of light – and that was all I needed.
As soon as that one small fleeting thought flashed through my mind, it left a clearing of hope.
It was upon that small foothold of hope that I took my first real breath in years.
It didn’t mean that all the pain and sadness was gone. But something had happened in that car that day. I had passed through a threshold of sorts.
I had gained the ability to go all in and risk everything. And that ended up being the most prized asset that I would come to regard with utter respect.
It was soon after that day in the car that I met my spiritual mentor. They say when the student is ready, the teacher appears, and that’s exactly what happened for me.
She taught me what my real problem was, how to get free from what was blocking me and how to access my inner power so that I could finally stop make such a heavy going of life and instead be free and lighter.
From her guidance and my continued practice, I started cultivating a new way of being and living that today has become the backbone of my personal sense of freedom and has also served countless other women access new levels of freedom as well.
What I want to share with you right now are the 4 critical parts to shifting from addiction to freedom that revealed themselves to me on that poignant day in the car:
Get honest that you don’t “got this.” The first moment of truth for me was that even though I was able to keep it together on the outside and have success in other areas of my life, what was important for me to get was that I don’t got this and I’m out of fixes and solutions.
Let yourself fully go. I was the queen of not getting messy and of being able to stay in analytical mode. Even in my therapy sessions, I was so good at analyzing myself and staying cerebral. I never wanted to get messy and all emotional. But that’s exactly what I needed to do. And I needed to let it happen without conditions. Just let myself fall apart. All the way – holding nothing back.
Set aside everything you think you know. Similar to getting honest, it was important for me to set aside all of my ideas about what I needed, what my healing should look like, what I should do, how I should be, where I should go…I had to give all that up and truly get to a place of not knowing anything. [One of the biggest tools I share with my clients today is to strive for NOT KNOWING instead of needing to figure it all out. NOT KNOWING is ALWAYS part of the trajectory of freedom].
Accept Divine help. Whether your moment of divine intervention appears like a shooting star thought, a post on Facebook or a chance meeting with your next mentor, remain open to all the ways that the universe is trying to align you with freedom. It takes a lot of courage, strength and humility to ask for and accept help. So give yourself the gift when it arises and you will be well on your way to activating more freedom.
I hope this share was helpful for you.
I would love to say that I wish for you that making the shift from addiction to freedom doesn’t come with the amount of pain and heartache that I endured. But in my experience, for some reason, that’s usually the exact package it comes delivered in.
Just know that if you are in a place of despair, hopelessness and utter frustration, then this is actually a GOOD SIGN and means that you are one threshold away from more freedom.
And, of course, remember you are never alone in this. So do reach out if you need to talk. You’re never too much for me and you’re never bothering me. [email protected]
I am here for you 🙂
In dedication of all things raw, real and recovered,